Danger

My nephew still has not arrived. Come on, little man! We're waiting...

Expecting to hear the news of his birth at any moment, my mind has naturally been focused on little Seth Danger Johnson. The other day, I remembered this quote from one of my favorite books, Notes From the Tilt-a-Whirl by N.D. Wilson, and I realized how applicable this is to the Johnsons right now. (Yes, it's parenting advice, and no, I haven't had kids...but listen to it anyway! Mr. Wilson is a father of five...)

"The world is rated R, and no one is checking IDs. Do not try to make it G by imagining the shadows away. Do not try to hide your children from the world forever, but do not pretend there is no danger. Train them. Give them sharp eyes and bellies full of laughter. Make them dangerous. Make them yeast, and when they've grown, they will pollute the shadows." (pg. 152)

Seth means "appointed one." Danger means...well..."danger." I'll admit it. I used to tease Seth's parents about his middle name. "Here's hoping he won't live up to it," I'd laugh.

Now, that's exactly what I'm praying for.

We need men appointed by God to be dangerous. Dangerous to wickedness. Dangerous to bad theology. Dangerous to the work Satan. Of course, everyone is a threat to something; may Seth be dangerous to the right things. Err, wrong things. You know what I mean.

And though the rest of us might not have the constant reminder of a middle name, we can't forget that we are involved in this spiritual battle, too. I have a little green army man named Jorge on my desk at home. Somehow he never made it out to Idaho. I took Jerry the Giraffe instead. (Note: Jerry the Giraffe has no theological significance as far as I can tell. He's just fun.) Anyway. Every time I looked at Jorge, I was reminded that we're in a battle. Every day, I have a choice to bring glory to God or not. To advance the kingdom or not. Luckily for me, the military strategy is not complicated. Love God, and love what God loves. That sounds too simple. It's not. It sends the enemy running in the other direction.

So, I urge all of you...go out into the world and be danger! And to Seth, I give the opposite command. You're already "Danger," and before you can go out into the world, you first need to come into it.

So, like I said...

We're waiting...

Tidbits.

I've given up on blogging with anything resembling continuity. Randomness now reigns.

~~~

My grandparents will be happy to know that tonight I took the Jeopardy! quiz. It was great fun, but I totally flunked it. Y'all, the first question was about Dr. Seuss, and I got it wrong. What a cruel and bitter irony. Oh well. I'm more concerned about the fact that I may flunk my five-question quiz on the New Testament tomorrow. I'll take "Epistles" for 200, please....This book was written by Paul...."What is Romans?"..."Oh, no. I'm sorry. We were looking for 1 Corinthians. 1 Corinthians. But you're still in the game. We'll see if you can catch up to the other players right after this..."

~~~

I almost want to watch the Superbowl, just to see Tim Tebow's commercial. Almost.

~~~

Today, I had coffee. I like coffee. But my reactions to caffeine vary, and I never know what I'm going to get. At first, I felt extraordinarily perky and wanted to hand out lemon drops and hugs to everyone I passed in the street. And then an hour later, I felt like I'd been hit by a train. Eight hours later, and I can't get to sleep. How long does it take caffeine to leave your system anyway? From now on, I'm think I'll go with decaf. Unless it's Week 4 and I actually need to stay up all night.

~~~

Actually I shouldn't need caffeine, because I already have a favorite stimulant. My drug of choice? The Latin language. (And my father breathes a sigh of relief...because he'd rather have a nerd for a daughter than a pothead.) Anyway, I think I'm addicted, and it doesn't help that everyone at the school is enabling me.

~~~

This weekend is Prospective Student Weekend at school. I have fond memories of my trip with my dad...having fun together in Moscow, and visiting the Johnsons. I also have not-so-fond memories like realizing that it snows in March (what?!) and having my cell phone ring in the middle of a Lordship recitation. Yeah, way to be a silent observer, Tara.

~~~

The weather was gorgeous and sunny today. I think it was a birthday present from God to my roommate, who is also gorgeous and sunny.

~~~

Why does the word "gorgeous" have the word "gorge" in it? I always imagine someone glutting themselves on pie, but magically becoming beautiful in the process. What a beautiful world that would be.

~~~

People may tease short people, but there are benefits. For example, in a hug sandwich, you are the meat, not the bread. I love hug sandwiches. I also love my brother and my cousin. Miss you two!

Sleeping

I fail at taking naps. I always sleep too long and end up groggy and grumpy and worse than I started. But by 4:00PM last Sunday, I realized that not taking a nap was not an option. Having Googled the best amount of time to nap, (I told you--I fail at taking naps! I need Google!) I set my alarm to go off at in thirty minutes. Thirty minutes went by. My alarm went off. I was still awake. Bah humbug. I didn't bother to get up and re-set my alarm. An hour and a half later...I was awakened from a deep sleep by my cell phone ringing. It was Stefan. We had the following conversation:

Tara: Hello...?

Stef: Hey, how's it going?

Tara: Whaaaaa...?

Stef: How's it going?

Tara: What are you saying?

Stef: How's it going? It's a contraction of "How is it going?" Are you high, or did you just wake up?

Tara: I just....woke *yawn* up.

The rest of the conversation was along those lines.

Anyway. I think I've been tired because I've been getting up at between 5:45 and 6:30 every morning since I've gotten back to Moscow. Traveling from the Eastern Time Zone is a wonderful thing. Of course, now I get tired around 10:00 every night...but I find that I'm more productive in the wee hours of the morning than I am at night anyway, so I'm trying to keep this up as long as I can. It's nearing midnight right now---the latest I've stayed up this term---but I just finished talking to my roommate, and now I'm all "waked up." Phooey on my extrovertedness. So I decided to write a blog post to bore myself back to sleep. (You're not allowed to use my blog as a cure for insomnia, however. That's just mean. You should drink warm milk instead. It'll gross you out so much that you'll want to lose consciousness for a few hours.)

The other night, I had a dream about having insomnia. That, my friends, is ironic. Buying bleu cheese wrapped in blue wax really isn't ironic, despite what the man at the Food Co-op said.

Speaking of dreaming, babies have taken over my subconscious. Leah in the hospital. Leah having twins. The Octomom painting windows for the house across the street. (What in the world did I eat that night before going to sleep?!) Babies, pregnancy, and labor have figured into all of my dreams for the past month. I keep my cell phone at all times, and every time it rings, I expect it to be Leah saying she's having Seth. I may faint from excitement when the day finally does arrive.

Our Rhetoric teacher and his wife had the class over for dessert tonight...I had a blast talking to their little sons. Little boys are so much fun. Just one more thing that makes me excited for Seth's arrival.

Ok. I'm sleepy now, so instead of telling how amazing Lordship lecture was today, I'm going to go dream about babies, and then get up and face Mozart sonatas and Latin homework. But first things first... *yawn*

Laughing...

Ahh, it feels good to be back in school. My ennui has vanished.

I intended to read the NT on my flight home, but I forgot that planes make me sleepy. On my first flight, I was zonked out before the flight attendants even came by with the drink cart. I vaguely remember a woman asking loudly if I wanted something to drink, but I ignored her, because I was comfortable (on a plane, people! That's miraculous!) and I didn't want to have to settle in again.

On my second flight, I stayed awake long enough to have a sip of water, and I spent the rest of the flight asleep. With my mouth open. How embarrassing.

On my third flight, I had my mouth open...in a different way. I knew five people on my flight, and I was coincidentally sitting across the aisle from one of them. Next to me were two empty seats. I kept waiting for someone to sit down, but when the flight attendant announced that the cabin doors were closed, I raced up the aisle and grabbed my friend at the front of the plane so we could sit together. I hadn't seen her for a month, and well...there was a lot of talk about. We did a crossword together before the plane had even taken off, and we were the lovely recipients of a death glare from a woman sitting a few rows up from us. I would have understood if she were also doing the crossword and was getting annoyed that she couldn't figure out 62-across before we did...but as far as I could tell, she was just listening to the safety announcements, and it's not as if we were shouting. Is there a new etiquette rule about being mute the entire time you're on a plane?

If so, I broke that rule. Absolutely shattered it. Oops.

About halfway through the 3.5 hour flight, a flight attendant came over to our row, and assumed the "I have a migraine" position. You know? Pinching the bridge of your nose between your thumb and index finger, with your head in your hands? Blargh, bad description. Anyway. She looked like she was about to faint, so we asked if she was okay. She sighed and said, "The man in front of you has complained that you're being too loud. I don't know what to tell you. I don't think you're being loud, but I'm supposed to come and talk to you."

I felt terrible. I think it was my laughing. My classmate sitting three rows behind me said he could hear me. My classmates sitting 5 rows back couldn't hear me. Phew.

When I came home, my boarder sister came downstairs and said, "I thought I heard Tara's squeaky laugh!"

So, yeah. I guess I need to stop having fun. Taking joy in life is overrated. From now on, I will be stern, severe, deadpan. I will stop poking fun at myself. I will not make jokes. I refuse to notice puns. Palindromes will no longer make me squeal with glee. Your jokes will not amuse me. Life is serious. Bah humbug.

Um, yeah right.

HAHAHAHA doesn't translate well, so just imagine me laughing right now. Cackling. Loudly. You know you love it. Unless you're one of the two grumpy people who were on my flight. In which case, I am truly sorry for ruining your flight. Please accept my apology. (P.S. Lighten up.)

Off Again

Did break go by quickly or slowly? I'm still trying to figure that one out.

I'm sitting here in the airport, waiting for my Cincinnati flight. After stopping in Minneapolis (still hoping for a glimpse of Mary Richards or Rhoda Morganstern...), I'll end up in Spokane, where my wonderful roommate will pick me up. I should get back into Moscow on Sunday, and school starts on Monday. Bring it on.

I think I'll work on some school while I'm traveling. I need to read the New Testament by...Friday, I think? I'm starting with Matthew in the Orlando airport...let's see how far I can get. I've sped-read lots of books, but never the Bible. This should be interesting.

Thanks to everyone who made my break super-special. Leah and David, staying with you was a great way to kick off Christmas break. Thanks! Stefan, I don't think you even read my blog, so you don't get a shoutout. In your face. Tomas, you better call me tonight. I wish we had more time together...maybe if SOMEONE wasn't doing school all the time. Just kidding. Keep up the hard work. Auntie K, thanks for teaching me how to tat. Maybe you can give me "Aunt" lessons, too...I'm going to need them when Seth comes along. :) Jason, we never said goodbye! What's up with that?! Laura, I wuv oo, and I miss your hugs. Grandma and Grandpa, thanks for letting me stay with you and borrow your car! It was great to see you again! And thanks to all the wonderful friends that spent time with me when I was here! (I can list family names, but I'm not going to try to list friends, because I'm sure I would leave someone out on accident. Haha.)

And Dad, a simple "I love you" looks like lame, but it's true. You're the best. I miss you.

Hodgepodge

Random thoughts about my break...

I am not a good steward of free time. I need deadlines. Pressure. Stress. Otherwise, I sleep most of the day and spend the rest of it in my pajamas. Being lazy makes me grumpy, and grumpiness doesn't motivate me to work hard at anything, so it's a vicious cycle of sloth and ennui. Sidenote: I only use the word ennui in writing, because half the time, I can't remember how to pronounce it, and the other half of the time when I do remember how to pronounce it, I also remember how incredibly pretentious it sounds, and I have so far never been able to muster up enough snobbishness to declare that I'm filled with "ohn-WEE" when I could just say that I'm plain ol' bored. I content myself with the idea that one day if I'm dining with the Duchess of Fancy French Words, I have at least one word that I can pull out of my back pocket. (Note: if I am dining with such a person, I promise I will not literally be wearing a garment with back pockets. Unless it's a barbeque.)

~~~~

I was able to take two voice lessons over break, which were actually fun. I'm learning to like my voice, instead of viewing it a kid sibling who just tries to embarrass you when your friends are over. My teacher is my grandparents' neighbor, and my lessons were conveniently arranged around dinner time, so I've been able to enjoy some of my grandma's yummy cooking. I'm hoping to go back to the same teacher when I'm home for the summer...the two lessons helped, but I know I still have a loooooong way to go.

Especially when I listen to people like this...

It gives me goosebumps.

~~~

Aunt Karen, Laura, and I watched Funny Girl over break. I loved the singing, Fanny Brice makes me laugh, and as an added bonus, I also learned how to not conduct yourself in marriage. I always loved the Baby Snooks show, but now when I listen to it, I think I'm just going to be thinking about all the marital problems that woman had. The movie took major liberties, but they were liberties that painted a much *better* picture of Brice's life and marriages than what really happened.

~~~

Auntie K also taught me and Laura how to tat, and today I randomly picked up a crochet hook for the first time in about ten years. My grandma reminded me how to do it, and I'm awkwardly and painstakingly working on the single crochet stitch. I feel so incredibly domestic...next I want to make a gelatin salad and ask Ward to go speak to the Beaver.

~~~

I hate the mall on weekends. It was full of goths, creepy old men, and commercialism. Thrift stores, however, rock my world. I now own not one--two!---ugly, burnt orange sweaters.

~~~

I also hate vanity sizing. It's ridiculous to have a size 0. I refuse to comment on the size 00, except for the fact that it shouldn't be in existence.

~~~

I went contra dancing, and at one point, a man grabbed my left hand, and gasped, "No ring? You're not married?!" It was awkward. I hope he didn't think I was Leah, because she is definitely still married, in case anyone was wondering.

~~~

And she's also PREGNANT. I can't wait for Seth to be born. I keep dreaming that Leah's in labor. A few nights ago, I dreamed that she kept giving birth and getting pregnant again in ridiculously short amounts of times. She ended up with three boys in a week, and I liked the third one best, because he was the cutest. Here's hoping I won't be THAT shallow of an aunt...

~~~

Last summer, I volunteered at a baby/maternity resale store connected with the pregnancy center, and since I didn't know that my niecephew was a nephew, I couldn't buy any clothes. Tomorrow, armed with the knowledge that this baby is named Seth, I'm going to go snatch up things with trains, and Pooh Bear, and things that are labeled "MY AWESOME AUNT TARA GAVE THIS TO ME BECAUSE SHE LOVES ME MORE THAN CHOCOLATE AND JEOPARDY COMBINED." Or something like that.

Books I Read in 2009

This will be long, but incomplete for sure.

Last January, I was starting my last semester of high school. That seems so long ago. I had to dig up my old Literature syllabus to remember what we read.

HIGH SCHOOL BOOKS

The Grand Inquisitor from The Brothers Karamazov, by Dostoevsky.

I want to read the whole book, but I'm still working through Anna Karenina, and I have a policy against reading two Russian novels simultaneously.

The Death of Ivan Ilyich by Leo Tolstoy

This short story was really what made me fall in love with Russian Lit. So simple, so powerful. It's online, so go read it.

Selections from British WWI Poets.

I remember "The Soldier" by Rupert Brooke and "Dulce et Decorum Est" by Wilfred Owen, because I wrote an essay contrasting them. I don't know if we read others...

Selected poems by Yeats

I remember "Sailing to Byzantium" and "The Second Coming." I have tucked both of them away in my file of works of Lit to return to with a more mature mind. I know I didn't get them.

The Metamorphosis by Kafka

Crazy. I felt like I was having a nightmare. But I want to read it again someday...

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot

I want to read more Eliot. The line "I have measured out my life with coffee spoons" has always stuck with me.

The Guest by Albert Camus

The main thing I remember about this week's assignment was that his name isn't pronounced anything like I thought it was. I also remember the story quite well, but I don't remember the point. Eek. I think senioritis must have sunk in right about then...

Letter from a Birmingham Jail by Martin Luther King, Jr.

Wow. Say what you want about MLK, but boy, he knew how to make sparks fly on a page. Great rhetoric.

Selections by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

I can't remember the titles. Oops.

"Men Have Forgotten" and "A World Split Apart" by Alexander Solzhenitsyn

I remember loving Solzhenitsyn, but I can't remember details.

As you can see, I gave into senioritis toward the end, not spending nearly enough time on those assignments. Otherwise, I could remember a bit more...

I don't think I read ANY pleasure books that semester, so once school ended, I majorly overdosed on books at the library. My friend gave me a notebook to log all the books I've read, and I ended up writing a one word opinion of each book after I read it. That was hard, but good for me. ;) And yes, I read kids' books. Unabashedly.

SUMMER 2009 BOOKS

Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge--schmaltzy

Alas, Babylon by Pat Frank---captivating
A Swiftly Tilting Planet by Madeleine L'Engle---clever
The Colour of Magic by Terry Pratchett---quirky
Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe---intriguing
Jacob Have I Loved by Katherine Paterson---depressing
Bread and Roses, Too by Katherine Paterson---cute
The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen---cliche
East by Edith Pattou---enjoyable
Ramona the Brave by Beverly Cleary--nostalgic
Ramona and Her Mother by Beverly Cleary---classic
Ramona Forever by Beverly Cleary---fun
The Prodigal God by Tim Keller---eyeopening
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams--goofy
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Shaffer and Barrows---charming
Before Green Gables by Budge Wilson---subpar
The Basic Eight by Daniel Handler---depraved
Wit by Margaret Edson---favorite
Adam by Ted Dekker--terrible
My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult---disappointing
A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini--compelling

And then, the first half of my freshman year of college, I read these books. I didn't do the one word summary, but I probably should've...

FRESHMAN JERUSALEM/NICEA TERM BOOKS

Amusing Ourselves to Death: Public Discourse in the Age of Show Business by Neil Postman
Gorgias by Plato
How to Read a Book by Mortimer Adler
On Rhetoric: A Theory of Civic Discourse by Aristotle
City of God by St. Augustine
Institutes of the Christian Religion by John Calvin (We actually haven't finished the Institutes yet...)
On the Incarnation by St. Athanasius

Confessions by St. Augustine

A Manual for Writers of Research Papers, Theses, and Dissertations, Seventh Edition: Chicago Style for Students and Researches by Kate Turabian. (I couldn't handle the suspense in this one. A real page-turner, it was.)

A Rulebook for Arguments by Anthony Weston

Cicero: Rhetorica ad Herennium

Orthodoxy by G.K. Chesteron
A House for My Name: A Survey of the Old Testament by Peter Leithart
Christ, Baptism and the Lord's Supper: Recovering the Sacraments for Evangelical Worship by Leonard Vander Zee
Luther and Erasmus: Free Will and Salvation
The Christ of the Covenants by O. Palmer Robertson
The Teaching of the Church Regarding Baptism by Karl Barth
Understanding Dispensationalists by Vern Poythress

That's all I can remember...

Jiggity Jig

I'm home again! It's been great to spend the last few days with family again. I sorely missed our family get-togethers with my grandparents and the McGhans, so I was happy to have a weekend full of family.

I got into town on Christmas Eve. I was looking for some harp music in the dining room when I heard the front door open and a very familiar voice sing out, "TARA!" It was Laura, with Jason tagging along behind. I knew at that point that I was home.

As we pulled into the church parking lot for our Christmas Eve service, I saw my grandparents getting out of their car. I begged my dad to stop the car right there, so I could jump out and give them a huge hug. It's great to be back with them again.

I was given a lovely welcome back from everyone at church. It was wonderful to receive all the hugs--and teasing--that I missed during the school year. A couple people at church have been so kind and sending me little cards and such during the school year. It's been a huge encouragement to me, so I was glad to be able to give those people hugs and thank them in person. :)

Everyone gathered at the McGhans for Christmas Day. I remember when I was little, I thought it was so unfair that we always had Christmas at their house because I didn't like having to pack up my presents to show them. I have since gotten over myself. Also, this year my most interesting present is easily transportable. Stefan gave it to me, telling me that it was something to help me when I'm stressed...

I thought it was a whisk, and was wondering if perhaps Stefan had been researching the benefits of beating eggs to relieve stress. Think of how productive that would be! I'd become the Omelet Queen every finals week. I could bring souffles to my professors!

But it wasn't a whisk. (I'm not going to abandon the egg-beating method! I think I'm on to something...)

It's actually a head massager, and it feels divine. Stefan, I forgive you for breaking our "not exchanging gifts" pact.

It turns out I had a gift for Stefan, too. I had bought my dad "Notes From the Tilt-a-Whirl," which is one of the best books I've read . . . I was going to qualify that with a time period such as "this year" or "lately," but I decided it doesn't need to be qualified. It's one of the best books I've read, period. It turns out that my dad had already bought the book, so I gave it to Stef instead. I gave it to Leah for her birthday in November, so I think my family should have a Tilt-a-Whirl book club. The only one who doesn't own a copy is me. Ironic.

On Boxing Day (that's so much quainter than "the day after Christmas"), we spent some time with our friends from Orlando. We played Balderdash, and somehow nobody was convinced that in Apple Valley, California, it is illegal for ducks to poop on the apples. Hmph.

That night, we had another family get-together at my grandparents' house. My grandma crocheted me a hat for Christmas, and I am almost excited to get back to freezing Moscow just so I can wear it.

(Not really. I love my hat, but I don't miss the cold. It's in the 60's right now...absolutely delightful! I love being able to wear short sleeves, I love that my breath is invisible again, and I love that I can go to the beach later this week!)

Today, we had a baby shower for Leah and Seth at church. The ladies at church did a fantastic job decorating. I'd forgotten how cute baby boy stuff can be! As I sat with my sister, watching her opening gifts and writing down what she'd received, something felt eerily familiar.

And then I remembered. A year and a half ago, I was sitting in the same spot, writing down her wedding gifts. How quickly that time has gone! It's so wonderful to see how God pours out His blessings on us.

I absolutely can't wait for Seth to get here! I talk to him whenever I get the chance, and my hands are well-acquainted with my sister's adorably rounded stomach. I'm sad that I won't be able to see him until Spring Break (about a month after his due date), but I'm grateful that I won't have to wait until summer.

Whew. It's been a busy weekend. It has finally quieted down somewhat, so I made a list of things to accomplish during break. It's 133 words long, and I haven't finished yet. One of the items reads "Get sufficient sleep," but I'm afraid that fulfilling that goal will exclude the possibility of accomplishing the others. Oh well.

Not dead, just resting...

This blog post is dedicated to my father, who just texted me and told me to update. Hi, Dad. You might be my only reader at this point, but you're worth it.

Since I last updated, I have flown cross-country, spent Thanksgiving in GA, flown back cross-country, finished out my second term of school, and flown cross-country again. I am sick of airline food. Or at least I would be if I got any. Anyway, I'm here in GA with Leah and David right now, but we're driving down to FL tomorrow.

I've had a lot of fun with the Johnsons. One night, we went to a crazy fondue place called Dante's Down the Hatch. I felt like I was eating in the middle of a Disney ride. There was a pirate ship to my left, crocodiles swimming around it, and wax figures of Mark Twain and Einstein leering over my shoulder. Dante himself visited our table and we chatted with him for awhile...he told my sister that he would be happy to deliver her child, and that we could eat free if they named him Dante. Somehow, I think they are turning down the offer.

We also went to Centennial Olympic Park to look at lights and ice-skate, but we decided it wasn't worth it to wait in line for hours to skate on an incredibly tiny, Zamboni-less rink, so we just walked around.

Today, we watched a precious little neighbor boy while his brother was born. David and Leah were great substitute parents, so I know they'll do a great job with Seth. (Because I was really worried before....haha). Speaking of little Seth, I got to feel him hiccough the other day. It was amazing...he's so active. I can't wait until he's born, especially after spending the morning with such a sweet little boy. I want a nephew!

I'm sure there is more I could say, but my brain is a bit foggy right now. I've been sleeping for 11-12 hours a night, which makes me lethargic all day long. I've been blaming it on jet lag, but I'm not sure how much longer that excuse will hold out. I think I just need to stop being lazy and find something to occupy my days while school's out.

Blood

I'm not sure that I'll ever live down pressuring my cousin to give blood with me at Key West. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision, and I forced him to come with me--we'd do it together, and wouldn't it be fun? Who cares that we're on vacation in the Keys? Let's go save lives!

Long story short, since I was getting over a cold, they didn't want my blood, so he had to go through it all by himself. I've always felt guilty that he wasn't able to enjoy that day of his vacation, and ever since then, I've been determined to give blood. So yesterday I did.

The bus was parked right outside the school, and I went in around an hour and fifteen minutes before my next class, figuring that would give me enough time.

First, my blood pressure and pulse were too high. Grr. No one would have known I was nervous if that stupid blood pressure machine hadn't tattled on me. Why don't they just call them "lie-detectors"?

So, after being forced to admit that I was in fact a wee bit nervous, I was given a few minutes to calm down. I went to my mental happy place, and passed the test the second time. Yay.

I settled back on the table and started chatting with Jose, the blood-letter-outer. (And that's a technical term...) He asked if I was nervous. I gave up the charade. Yes, Jose. I am nervous. Help me.

He proceeded to tell me that he was actually a homeless man yesterday, and that he had a sign reading, "WILL WORK FOR FOOD," and these people gave him this job...and he'd never done this before, but he watched some training videos, so it would probably be okay.

I felt better. Really. He then began the search for my vein. It was not hard to find. I apparently inherited my mom's veins. Doctors love them. Edward Cullen would, too...but thankfully, he does not exist, the creeper.

The needle went in, and all was well...for about three minutes. But then I started to feel really light-headed. Jose was not impressed. He exclaimed, "Tara, no! You haven't given me even 200 mL of blood. You're not fainting now! Tell me about Florida."

I started talking about beaches, and the dizziness went away. Mind over matter--that's what Jose said.

Unfortunately, the wooziness was a recurring enemy. At one point, I felt myself slipping into unconsciousness. I looked over and saw concern plastered on Jose's face. He ran over and grabbed my hand and yelled, "Doctor, I'm losing her!" He wasn't trying to be funny that time, but even in my woozy state of mind, I found it hilarious. Good grief, Jose! I'm fainting, but I'm pretty sure that I'll wake up again!

I think I was the only calm one. Everyone surrounded me. I was given apple juice and ice packs, and all the while, Jose was coaching me to not succumb to the fainting. He kept murmuring "Stay with me!"

I desperately wanted to just faint. It was so tempting. I begged him to let me just close my eyes, but he forbid it and made me talk to him. Some sweet older lady named Georgia was rubbing my hand.

I looked up at her and said...."So, tell me about yourself."

She looked amused and began to tell me about her grandkids. I don't remember a word she said, but I just wanted someone else to be talking. I was getting stressed out because they kept asking questions that I could not form intelligent answers to. (Things like "What is your hometown famous for?" and "What type of trees do you have in your backyard?" To be honest, I have a hard time answering those questions even now...)

And then, I started to sing the ABC's. I have no idea why, and I'm really embarrassed about it now. What's worse is that I only made it to "G," because I couldn't remember what came next.

It must have helped though, because I somehow came back to life. I was later told that my lips were white and that the color slowly drained back into my face. I would have liked to see that. I imagine that it was like Aslan breathing on the stone animals. ;)

I was forced to cough loudly and deeply so as to get more blood to my brain. Jose told me I sounded like I had hairballs and that I needed coughing lessons. Eventually, I was able to sit up. Georgia gave me a cookie and they finally let me go, but not without escorts to make sure I didn't collapse on the ground.

I was 15 minutes late for class and totally missed a quiz. Oops.

But now I can cross "give blood" off my list of things to do before I die. Now, I just need to go to Africa, get married, and have kids.

Only, I think I'm going to add another thing to my list. "Give blood without looking like a wimp." I'm such a loser.